10 Jul 2017
Hey Colossus's The Guillotine in The Quietus Psych column
As a flat white supping elitist puritan ponce who looks down on other peoples' music tastes with all the charm of Theresa May trying to ingest a coneful of chips without revealing her mutant hemipteran proboscis, I sincerely believe that anybody who writes favourably at length about the new Paramore or Harry Styles albums should be forbidden from listening to anything apart from the amplified grinding of Gary Barlow's internal facial mechanisms which manoeuvre his right eyebrow up and down, up and down, up and down as a pale replacement for having an actual personality. You might as well be praising the functionality of the Crane BevMAX4 for Which? Carbonated Drinks Vendor Magazine. A great pop album is still a pop album. A great sequel to The Fast And The Furious is still a part of the deplorable Fast And Furious Franchise (even when it does include the culturally slumming presence of HRH Helen Mirren). A great colonoscopy still sees you lying on your side praying for dear life as a stranger surveys your iffy rectum with a fibreoptic bum camera. So down with poptimism, yeah?
As the bearer of such priggishness, I find it tricky to think of many bands that have grown more melodic and accessible without succumbing to a concurrent escalation in sheer naffness. Nirvana, perhaps? R.E.M... for a little while? Therapy?'s Troublegum contains banger after banger I'll give you that. Nick Cave. Wolf Eyes? Grumbling Fur! In Hey Colossus' case, it helps that they started from such a niche position in the first place..
Read the rest of the piece here: The Quietus